More germs, fewer emails... a rant of epic proportions

A friend sent me an email today, warning me of the dangers of my purse. My purse, it seems, is a portable laboratory of microbial nastiness, and should never be placed on my counter, my desk, or any other contaminatable surface, including myself. Just the latest in the germ phobia of the average American that is making our children the sickest they have ever been. Yes, I mean that. They have puny little immune systems and so get sick every five minutes. I blame Clorox, Lysol and all the other merchants of terror that want us to live antiseptic lives.

When I was a child, shortly after the creation of the firmament, childhood was a dangerous time. Children suffered from and were maimed and killed by “childhood” diseases no one gets any more, praise God and science. Diphtheria, typhus, scarlet fever, rheumatic fever, measles, mumps, polio… all conquered, all but gone forever. There were scarier diseases back then, but fewer allergies, less asthma, and considerably fewer trips to the doctor. Since the advent of these wonderful vaccines, you’d think people would be more sanguine about the colds and flu we intermittently suffer. But no- Americans seem to think they should be immune from illness.

Americans do not seem to understand how their immune systems work. For an immune system to become competent to combat pathogens, it must be exposed to pathogens. That’s the underlying fundamental biological surety behind the development of vaccines. What do vaccines do? They introduce the immune system to pathogens that have been rendered mostly harmless so that the system will learn to recognize them. When the real thing comes around, the immune system is armed and ready to launch an attack against the pathogen it has been trained to attack. No exposure to germs, no protection.

So what have the last two generations of guilt-ridden, over-burdened, two-incomes-no-time parents done? They have created a population of “boys in the bubble” by pathologically protecting their children from pathogens. They have become psychotically over-protective to the detriment of their children at the same time that they have become convinced that they are well informed. Well informed by TV. What are the odds?

I wish Americans would turn off the damn TV. TV has convinced parents that pedophiles are on every street corner, taught them to fear gangs and drugs beyond any reasonable level of necessary fear, and trained them through advertisements that no home is safe for children until it is surgically sterile and hermetically sealed. Kids don’t go out to play anymore because pedophiles, gangs, drugs and germs lie in wait for them there.

News flash, constant readers. The world is NOT more dangerous that it was when I was a child and my mother threw me out of the house and told me to be back when the street lights came on. We just THINK it is because of TV. We are afraid of pedophiles in Texas and gangs in Los Angeles in tiny little Tullahoma Tennessee and it’s STUPID. Our children are fearful and sedentary because TV brings us a cornucopia of bad news every day that exaggerates the nature of danger because danger and fear SELLS STUFF.

And the stuff it sells the most are anti-bacterial cleaners. Don’t get me wrong, I am not against being clean. I am against being neurotic about it. Kids should be allowed to get dirty without having to be laundered with Lysol and fed antibiotics “just in case”. ANTIBIOTICS ARE NOT PROPHYLACTICS, PEOPLE. They can’t prevent an infection, they can only attack one. Next time a doctor prescribes antibiotics as a preventative, FIRE HIM! He is a moron, and you are being moronic if you take meds you don’t need, or feed them to your kids because you are fearful. Antibiotic resistant bacteria. Ever heard of them? Guess where they come from? FROM THE INAPPROPRIATE USE OF ANTIBIOTICS.

Tell me why you are wiping down your lamps with Clorox. Why are you so afraid of Salmonella, when just a little common sense is all you need to be safe? Detergent and water will clean up after chicken prep just fine. Wash your counters, don’t disinfect them unless you plan on doing surgery on them. You are going to cook the damn food anyway. High heat kills bacteria. Hello!

My grandmother and mother and women of their generations believed that a “child will eat a peck of dirt before its fifth birthday.” (A peck, by the way, is ¼ bushel, or eight quarts. How many quarts in a bushel, then, class?) Children didn’t take multiple baths in a day. They were washed regularly, don’t get me wrong, but they didn’t take morning and evening showers, or change their clothes three or four times a day, or only wear an outfit once before it was laundered. They were inundated with bacteria, microbes, viruses, and fungi, and still were healthier than most kids today. They had fewer colds, less flu, fewer infections, and astonishingly fewer allergies. Had the vaccines of today been available back then, they would have been superkids.

Most of the bacteria encountered in day-to-day life are harmless. Some of them are actually beneficial. I say, America, get over your germ phobia. Turn off the damn TV. Send your kids outside and let them get really dirty and sweaty; it’s good for them. And stop sending me emails about how there are germs on everything. I know that already, and frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.