I'm developing a starboard list... well, a list, anyway

My daughter Kelly has been in an organizing frenzy these past three weeks. She is eying the office right now with a lean and hungry look, just waiting for me to remove my messy self so that she can pounce on the chaos and beat it into submission. I must admit, my office is a mess, but in my defense, I am working on a scrapbook for my daughter-in-law Becca, and scrapbooking is messy. Not just when I do it, when anyone does it. Kelly has reorganized the guest room closet, my closet, the front closet, the guest bath, the entire kitchen, the living room and the porch. We are so organized here you wouldn’t believe it. If I am not careful, she will reorganize me into a corner and never let me out- file me under “Needs to be contained” or something. I am obviously out of control.

I think I am driving her crazy.

I know my driving is driving her crazy. I am having trouble with the vagaries of California driving. Today I went the wrong way on a one way lane. Don’t ask. We survived the experience, and I didn’t even get a ticket, but my reputation as one of the world’s lousiest drivers appears to be in no danger of immediate improvement. Fortunately, being a lousy driver means I fit right in out here. They breed them here.

Other than that, I think Kelly and I are enjoying each other's company. We have been shopping, more than once, and have been to the movies, and we have been the ladies who lunch at least a couple of times. We are accommodating ourselves to one another at home as well. We have developed a pretty good division of labor here. I do the laundry and the cooking, and she does everything else. I like it!

Both she and her brother have been updating their blogs, which is nice. It's nice to dip into their musings and to see what goes on in their heads as well as their lives. In their most recent blogs, my superlative children have been compiling lists- five places they have lived, five places they have visited, etc... (You really should read their blogs, they are very original thinkers). That said, I am not about to be outdone by the younger generation, so here are a few little lists of my own.

The five (or six) most obnoxious people in the world, in no particular order:
Oprah Winfrey
Dr. Phil
George Bush
Tom Cruise
Tom Cruise
Tom Cruise

Five things that should never have been invented
Brassieres- protect your floppies, my ass. Instruments of torture.
Spike heels- they make your calves look good but they punish every other part of the leg.
Remote controls- there went the only exercise most Americans got.
Fast food restaurants
iPods- like big screen TVs, video games, and computers weren’t generating enough
hermits. Gee, I wonder why interpersonal relationships and communication skills are crumbling. I said, I wonder why… take those damn things out of your ears, I’m trying to talk to you.


Five things that need to be invented, exclusive of cures for diseases:

• Renewable fuels that will free us from the need for foreign oil.

We are the biggest market for oil, which means they have us over a barrel until we find a way to teach them not to bite the hand that feeds them… I know, let’s make fuel out the grain that feeds them. Let oil prices drop to 10 cents a barrel, and then how will certain people support terrorism? Huh? Huh?

• Comfortable, affordable air travel- or better yet, transporters. Yeah, that’s the ticket!


• Self-driving cars- for obvious reasons.


• Self-cleaning clothes- and then I will only have to do the cooking.


• Calorie free sweets that don’t give you the green apple quick-step. I want calorie free chocolate and I want it now!

Okay, that’s enough out of me for awhile. My children really don’t appreciate it when I appear to be parodying them, so I will stop.