Red lobster... and I ain't talking about the restaurant

Ah, Memorial Day weekend! What a great time! You put white back into your wardrobe (if it ever left); you go buy yet another new grill (it's a guy thing, apparently); and, if weather permits, you putz around the yard, clean up the front porch, and hop into the pool. That first dip of the weekend cools you off, soaks away all your stress- AND BURNS YOU TO A CRISP! Well, maybe not YOU, but I look like a cooked lobster with a weight problem.

No swimming for me for a few days. Just as well. Tomorrow is Mama's 79th birthday and we are bringing her home on a pass to celebrate the occasion. Not that she is in much of a mood to celebrate.

I have been trying to gently let her know that she will not be coming "home" to our home; her health is too precarious and her needs are greater than I can meet. Dave and I have discussed her condition with the doctor, and we are all in accord that the time has come for her to move to assisted living. Note that I did not say "old folks home", "nursing home" or "poor-house".

Dave and I went to investigate one of the two facilities in our town and both of us were massively impressed with it. The facility is beyond beautiful, it's downright posh- CLEAN, open, airy, richly decorated, with lots of natural light and a lovely central courtyard with a well-kept garden.

We were shown three different apartments, all of which were very nice, indeed. The apartments vary in size but feature the same basic staples: a sitting room, a small kitchenette, a commodious bedroom with large walk-in closet and a bathroom designed for the elderly. Rent includes three meals a day, either in the dining-room or in her apartment, housekeeping, laundry, transportation to shopping and/or doctor appointments, a wide range of activities that are entirely discretionary, and, of course, assistance. She will have assistance with her medications and hygiene. There is a nurse on staff as well as a dietitian/nutritionist.

We were both so relieved when we saw how nice it is. There were three or four residents conversing in a communal sitting room when we arrived. We were shown the dining room, communal TV room, beauty parlor, ice-cream parlor, and several meeting/game rooms, as well as the aforementioned courtyard garden. So NOT what we thought assisted living would be like.

There is a waiting list, of course, so we put Mama's name on it. Dave actually expected that we would get a call about a vacancy within a week. Silly man. I knew better. We were told that three units are about to be vacated, one due to relocation, one due to health problems that were beyond the scope of assisted living- and one death. In Dave's mind, that meant the rooms would be available, like, NOW! Kinda lets you know how removed from the real world the business world is.

The plan, I thought, was that we weren't going to tell Mama about the plans to move her until we had some concrete information, and until AFTER her birthday, which I didn't want spoiled. In his infinite wisdom, he "suggested" to her yesterday that assisted living was a possible scenario for her future. Don't ask me why he told her off-schedule. Everything with Dave is on a need-to-know basis, and I never seem to need to know.

She reacted very well, I thought. She has been complaining that she wants her own apartment for some time, so I am sure that a part of her was interested, if not excited, about the idea. Still, Mama doesn't like change, so I didn't expect her to be enthusiastic and was pleasantly surprised that she not only seemed to grasp the necessity of the arrangement, but seemed fairly anticipatory. She especially perked up when she learned she can have her own furniture and things (the apartments are unfurnished) and can decorate anyway she pleases. She can come and go as she pleases as well- no day passes required.

We left her in an upbeat mood. I asked Dave why he had told her before her birthday that she "might not" be coming back to our house, and he said his upcoming travel schedule was the impetus. He didn't want me to have to be the one to prepare her for the move. How thoughtful, I thought- though if the call about the apartment comes while he is gone, I will be HANDLING the move.

So, we went to see her today and the nurse met us in the hall. Seems Mama started the day by packing all her stuff, insisting she was going home, and bursting into tears. She carried on the whole morning about our "putting her in a home" and abandoning her, and snubbed us when we walked in. We tried to cheer her up, reminding her about tomorrow and the party, but she was in a foul mood. "Just shoot me," she kept saying. "I'm ready for the bone-yard". She continued in this mode for some time, but Dave finally got her attention re-directed, and we parted on good terms. She walked us to the door.

She will have a good time at her party tomorrow and then will make a painful scene when the time comes to return to the Life Care Center. Poor old thing, I do feel for her but I wish she would have a little faith in us. When in the past seven years that she has lived here have we ever abandoned, forgotten or neglected her? Before her husband Paul died, she saw us maybe twice a year. Since his death, with increasingly rare exceptions, she has had our company 4-5 times a week (when she had her own place the first time) and daily since she moved in with us. Believe me, she has not lacked for company or care since.

Maybe next week, we will take her to see the place. More likely, I will take her to see the place. I just hope she doesn't make a scene when I do. It's all so stressful. Too bad I won't be able to jump into the pool to de-stress for the next few days. What's an overweight lobster to do?

It's my potty, and I'll cry if I want to...

So I have this image in my mind of how I want the master suite bathroom to look... and I share that image with my partner in crime Becca, who thinks it's a good idea. The plan is that I will buy all the stuff, and, while I am in Michigan visiting my dad, Beck will do all the work. I will come home to a brand, sparkling, new bathroom, with no effort on my part save swiping my credit card. That's how I like things- easy.


So of course, it didn't work out. Mama had a stroke, which canceled my trip to Michigan. Still, the Beckster was determined to press on. After all, the two of us had just created a truly magnificent craft room. How hard could a bathroom be?

Let me tell you.

First of all, two people cannot work in a bathroom at the same time, which left Beck to do all the dirty work (but I got to play with Pookie, so that was fair).

Second, the builders had apparently secured the wallpaper to the wall using the same adhesive NASA uses to glue the tiles to the shuttlecraft. THREE FULL DAYS it took just to remove the wallpaper. Another day to prep the walls. We entered day five before a single drop of paint was spread. We had finished the craft room in three days total!

All the dark, dated cabinets were sanded and wiped down. Two days. The walls were painted. One day. The cabinets were painted. One day. The doors and drawers were reinstalled. One day. New faucet, new lighting fixtures (thank you, son) and new towel bars . One day. Caulking. One day. (I did the caulking, and I am old and fat, so it took some time). Clean-up. One day. Dressing the room. One day.

I hear you out there, scoffing. "One day for clean-up- pfffft. I could have done it in one hour. Dressing the room? Gimme 15 minutes." Scoff if you must, thou nay-sayers, but verily I say unto you- were you there?? We were contending with tight time frames (dropping off and picking up Sunshine, Noodle and Pixie from school), an active 3-year old, a diabetic, and the countless interruptions for which life in my household is famous. I think that the fact that we got it done in two weeks is a freaking miracle.

Trips to Lowe's- 4,556. Trips to various other stores- 2. Total cost- slightly less than the Taj Mahal.


But it was worth it. It is beautiful. Clean, decluttered, roomier, brighter. I am posting pictures that don't do it justice. Why do I NEVER remember to take BEFORE pictures?

If I am crying, it is from joy. I LOVE working with Becca. So, kisses to you, sweetie, and thanks to Jake and Melinda as well. As to my readers- y'all come over and pee sometime. Ciao!

All my children... and Happy Mother's Day to you, too.

It has been my blessing and curse to have two extraordinarily intelligent and multi-talented children. I think the blessing part of that statement is self-evident; they have been a constant source of pride, surprise, delight and camaraderie since they were infants. Both have practical and artistic talents. Both love music, puzzles, wordsmithery, and both are excellent cooks. Jake can build anything. Kelly can act anything. Jake is a wonderful father. Kelly is a wonderful aunt. They love each other, so I am blessed.

The curse is that two extraordinarily intelligent and multi-talented people tend to be discontent. With so many gifts, they find it hard to focus on any one, and with so many interests, they are always striving for perfection on multiple levels all the time and often falling short. Neither one of them has any patience with falling short. And both of them tend to bite off more that they can chew and then stress about it. I wonder who they get that from?

And because they are intelligent and logical, the fact that the world is neither sensible or logical exasperates them- at high volume. At any given time, I am listening to rants and complaints about the work-place, the significant other, those in authority, and the general wrong-headedness of most people to whom they must report. I have been there- it IS hard to take direction or work directly for someone who does not share your smarts- so I sympathize with my cherubs. But it sometimes gives me an ulcer to listen to their rants, well-reasoned and sensible as they may be.

Be that as it may, the blessings far outweigh the curses. My daughter pampers me lavishly when I visit San Diego, which is why I am bummed when I don't get to go. She keeps the apartment in top-notch condition, and cooks extraordinary meals for us (or for Dave, when he is there without me). She is good company and my good friend.

Jake spoils me too. Today he installed two ceiling fans, new faucets in the kitchen and my bath, a new lighting fixture in my bath, and cleaned out the gutters. (He also sprayed me with the hose from the roof- and then drenched me when he cannon-balled into the pool).

Both my kids tease me, and rough joking is par for the course. Unfortunately, I was one of those mothers who gave their children freedom to express themselves, which they do without mercy, expressing their strong opinions on their mother- who, by the way, I find to be a completely delightful woman- at every opportunity.

Taken all in all, though, I am pretty lucky in my children. They may be libidinous, they may be all over the place with their interests, they may even be a little bit mouthier that I would like, but they are good kids, good people.

This Mother's Day I realize that no gift could ever surpass the gift of my children. A superlative gift, a gift of great price. Sunday will be my day because these two are my children. I have loved them every moment of their lives, and think I have ample love to last out the next 100 years or so. No gift can be greater than my daughter and my son.

That doesn't meant they shouldn't try to find one.

Wet cats with saddlebags

Our little chair took first place in Children's chairs at the Literacy Council Fund-raiser and was removed from the silent auction to the verbal auction. All of the children's chairs were charming and whimsical so it was very cool to have been given first place. I think our chair might have brought more money in the silent auction, though, as it was among the last things offered for bids and the crowd had thinned considerably by then. Whatever- a very nice woman got a very nice chair for a very good price. Next year, I will put a minimum bid on my entry. Notice I have committed to doing this again. Hope Melinda's up to it :)

The CK Scrapbooking Convention was so much fun. My buds Sandy and Jodie and I spent two days and one night in the big city, and spent way too much money, ate way too much good food, and had way too good a time. I went nuts, I must confess. Knowing I was going to the convention, I had not purchased anything for paper crafts since Christmas. Almost six months. Now that's restraint, people. So I figured I just spent what I would have normally spent during the past six months in one fell swoop. That's my story, and I am sticking to it.

I have not stored all my loot yet, because I want Becca to see it before I do, but thanks to my fabulous craft room and it's brilliant organization, there will be no probs. I have a place for everything.

We made a lot of neat stuff at the convention, and got a LOT of good ideas. I am so jazzed, I want to get to work on about fifteen different projects at once.

However, if you could have seen us after two days on our feet (on concrete floors, no less), toting about 6 tons of stuff, you'd have laughed your dupas off. We looked like wet cats wearing saddlebags. We got over that, thank you.

Interested in the loot I brought home? Look no further, here is a shot of it.

Here is the grand overview... good thing Dave does not read my blog.

Here are some of the cards I made for the card swap. Some of them aren't too bad. I had never gone to a card swap before, so didn't know I was supposed to make 20 of the same design. I'll know for next year.