On the other hand...

Mama is doing so much better, she has been moved to the Skills Life Center for rehab. Today she dressed herself and was quite personable. As much as she wants to come home, even she will admit that the past few days have been good for her. Once her strength and appetite return, she may be able to come home.

She really wants to come home. She misses the cats and her room and the Old Lady Mafia, though they have been visiting her and bringing her little gifts, God bless 'em. She hates her room-mate, who, I must admit, makes Mama seem extraordinarily high functioning. I don't know what Miz E's diagnosis is, but I strongly suspect she has Alzheimer's. She talks non-stop, assumes anyone who is speaking is addressing her and takes off her clothes. Several times a day. She's 85- it ain't pretty. They have her hooked up to a sensor that makes one hell of a shrill and annoying noise whenever she gets out of bed because she tends to fall. She also tends to get out of bed every 20 minutes so Mama's room is pretty noisy. All of this is pretty annoying, but Mama's biggest complaint is that Miz E hogs the TV. If Mama is going to be in there for any length of time, I may take a TV over to her.

The stress level around here has decreased greatly in the past few days. I dreaded moving Mama to the nursing home but after the obligatory high-volume fit- which I missed, thank goodness, but her doctor did not- she was pretty cool about the whole thing. She is being cared for by very good and kind people and is improving every day. All to the good.

I am over being pissed off at Dave, mainly because Mama is doing so well. Stress #2 taken care of.

And, with the help of two members of the Junior OLM, I was able to complete two projects that were either interrupted or delayed by Mama's illness.

My most beloved daughter-in-law helped me paint and reorganize my craft room, which is now beyond wonderful and is my favorite room in the house. I will post pictures of it soon- it's gorgeous. Becca is a fantastic painter. We really work well together and even Pookie pitched in. (I'd post an adorable picture of Pookie helping, but my son has asked me not to do that, so you'll just have to imagine a gorgeous three-year old in a Superman T-shirt rolling Hawaiian orchid paint on the walls).

Then my good buddy Melinda brought her substantial artistic ability to the completion of the Literacy Council project that was approaching deadline. I committed to producing a decorated chair to be auctioned off at the Chair-ity Event fundraiser tomorrow night. It turned out to be quite charming, I think.

I designed the chair. Melinda did all the painting and decoupage. I made the fairy figure and the fairy cushion.

I actually made SIX fairies, as the original design called for, but when we started assembling the chair, they were just too much. SO- as per usual - I did six times more work than was required. Less is more. More or less.

We added a "Flower Fairies of the Garden" book by Cicely Mary Barker, and the chair was complete. I had not realized what a stress not having the chair ready was until I turned it in at the Adult Learning Center and felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I hope people bid on it.

Off to bed, me.

Bitterness alert- read at your own risk

I have been informed that I am basically a positive person until it comes to the news and Mama.

I have been informed this by my husband.

I admit that I do tend to rant and rail about the crap that passes for news, especially TV news. I tend to avoid the news entirely unless my hubby is home. Avoid, hell, I NEVER watch the news unless he is home, so I think his judgment that I am negative about it is a bit skewed. I'm not negative about it as long as it's not on.

And I don't think I am negative about Mama, either. I think I am reasonably frustrated and a tad resentful, but also I think there is good cause. Mama is a rip-snorter and can turn ANY situation into a no-win one. Dave grew up with the woman, so he knows this. He just doesn't want to hear about it anymore. Period. He wants to abdicate, and resents it when I object to being the abdicatee.

Case in point coming up.

The plans were these:
April 22- May 16: Dave traveling to San Diego, and then to Brisbane.
May 6 - May 16: Kate traveling to Michigan to visit her dad and sister

And then this happened: Mama was rushed to the hospital where it took three days for the doctors to come up with a diagnosis that explained the symptoms that weren't patently faked. (The faked symptoms included laughably sham seizures and phony faints.) The real symptoms seemed indicative of some type of CVA- a micro stroke, or TIA, perhaps.

Tests have since shown an 80% blockage in her carotid artery. This is serious, and some plan of action on how to proceed needs to be formulated. That plan of action may or may not include surgery. It may or may not include admitting her to a nursing home. It may or may not include Mama coming home but needing constant supervision.

In the meantime, someone needs to visit her daily to keep her company, to keep her spirits up and to make sure she is being cared for properly. Someone will have to help her deal with whatever changes to her life are on the horizon, and comfort her if she does not get to come back to the home she wants to return to RIGHT NOW! Should they segue her to a nursing home, someone will have to help her adjust to a new environment and assure her that she is still loved and isn't being abandoned. Someone will also have to handle the logistics, the paperwork, the arrangements, and the business of caring for a sick, elderly person.

So...
The new plans are these:
April 22- May 16: Dave traveling to San Diego, then to Brisbane.
May 6 - May 16: Kate probably not going anywhere.

I know Dave's company is at a critical nexus right now. I know his job requires him to travel long distances all too frequently, and that no one, right now, can do what he does. But apparently, on the home front, no one can do what I do, whether I want to do it or not. It is getting harder and harder, even more so than when our children were young and I was a stay-at-home Mom, to carve out a bit of a life of my own.

For some reason, I feel a little negative about that.

And so... home- which is no frolic

Early tomorrow, I hop on a plane and begin the long, uncomfortable, and lonely trek from San Diego to Tennessee. Alone, because Dave is in Chicago, though he is headed home as well and will meet me at the Nashville Airport. We don't even seem to live parallel lives anymore. It is the nature of his job to keep him not so much on the road but in the air, and by that nature, to keep us chronically apart. This time, however, I chose to be apart. I did not want to go to Chicago. It is cold in Chicago. I wanted the extra couple of days in San Diego.

Have I ever told you how much I LOVE San Diego? No? Then let me list the ways and reasons I love this town.

1. My daughter is in San Diego, and she is good company.

2. San Diego is beautiful and the weather is predictable- mostly nice, with occasional so-so. It's fun when it rains here- the natives panic!

3. San Diego is very restful, (mainly because all my responsibilities are in Tennessee). I sleep well here, and often.

4. There is a complete absence of Mama in San Diego.

5. Our apartment is light, bright and airy. It does not smell of cats or old ladies.

6. My clothes aren't covered in cat hair in San Diego.

7. Great food!

8. Great shopping!

9. Great day spa where I pamper myself mercilessly.

10. Complete absence of Mama.

I really don't want to go home right now, I am having such a good time and my schedule is so booked between now and mid-May that I won't be coming back in a hurry.

Now, why don't I want to go home? Let me list the reasons.

1. Mama is there.

Oh, well, home I go. Mama will greet us with top-volume pathos and talk non-stop for the next three days. She will repeat herself every 42 minutes. For three days. But I have an Easter feast to prepare, a GFWC convention to prepare for, two fund-raisers and a clubhouse cleaning day to take me to the end of April, and a scrapbooking convention and a trip to my Dad in Michigan in early May, so I will be very busy and may not notice.

Reason 11 for loving San Diego? MY SCHEDULE IS CLEAR HERE!!

Back to busy, busy, busy. See you there.

WHALES IN BONDAGE!! Well, not quite...

A young SeaWorld trainer on the nose of a pilot whale.

Do not try this at home.

After our open-sea adventure, Kel and I did, in fact, saunter over to SeaWorld today. Having been spoiled by Disneyland and the San Diego Zoo, I was relatively unimpressed by SeaWorld's people management. It took us almost an hour to get INTO the park. It must have been Hire-An-Incompetent Week at the marine park. Well, I shouldn't be too unkind; we did get a $10 refund because of our wait, which they didn't have to do...but really, I don't wait well, especially when there are WHALES just over the fence.

Kel played with the mantra rays (whose tail tips had been surgically removed) but I couldn't help but think of Steve Irwin and kept my hands firmly in my pockets. (Actually, they live there and only come out for special occasions).

We then went to see the dolphin show which was great fun. Dolphins must have devolved from the porcine family because THEY ARE BIG HAMS. One young dolphin named Dolly jumped a hurdle that took it over 16 feet into the air. Gaudy. That's her below, leaping over a yellow rope.



The animals seem to be healthy and well-maintained, and their trainers show genuine affection to them. The marine mammals are regularly groomed and well-fed and have a decent volume of water to patrol. They are breeding in captivity, so perhaps a life of captivity has its perks. I guess that's how we rationalize the captivity of all animals, including our pets- it's a decent trade-off; loss of freedom for greater security, no predation, regular meals and health care. Kinda like having a job for room and board with a doctor.


After cavorting with the dolphins, who joyously soaked the first 14 rows of the audience as their finale, we meandered over to the sea otters. We ended up at Shamu Stadium, where the show was less impressive- killer whales are not the show-offs dolphins are- and more impressive, because it revolved around KILLER WHALES! The top predators of the ocean. In like, nothing feeds on them. In like, should the mood strike, good ole Shamu could have his trainer for lunch. Of course, they feed him 250 pounds of fish a day so that he won't be peckish come show time, but the size differential between the whales and their trainers makes you wonder how it came to be that they were ever captured in the first place- and trained in the second. I mean, really, how DO you train a whale? What do you do if it misbehaves? Give it a good spanking? Take a look at the next picture and see if you agree that only the very young with no sense of their own mortality ever take these jobs.

We had a great time, I have to admit. SeaWorld may be a commercial enterprise, but it is funding and supporting research and education about the other mammals with whom we share this blue planet. Conservation is as important as exploitation, and at least the exploited are respected and cared for. A sea zoo, if you will. Last week, we went into the ocean to see whales in the wild. Today we saw them in a pool. Both experiences increased our knowledge about these mammoth, mysterious creatures- as well as manatees, hippos, beluga whales, and all the other marvelous animals we were able to see first hand, up close, and personal today. It made me feel connected and protective of them. And that, I think, is the point of SeaWorld.

If you go... take a raincoat. The whales and dolphins ARE out to get you wet.

Friday last my daughter and I took a little excursion. We went down to the harbor, hopped on a small cruise ship and set out in search of whales. We had our picture made just before embarking. Fortunately, some one else took the picture, as I am a mediocre (at best) photographer, so the picture came out well. Here it is.

I managed some decent shots of the harbor, the Point Loma lighthouses, old and new, a great shot of another cruise ship also watching for whales, and lots of shots of the ocean. It's very big and very blue and black, and it was wonderful being 10 miles out from the harbor on a sunny day.

But I didn't get any shots of whales.

We SAW whales; we saw a whole pod of gray whales, and they breached and blew and slapped their flukes for us. It was incredible. They are called gray whales because under all the barnacles and other colorful parasites they carry on their skin, their skin, is, in fact, gray. But when they come out of the water they seem more golden than gray. They seem miraculous, really. Maybe miracles aren't meant to be photographed.

Though distance may have had something to do with the lack of photo ops. The boats are not allowed any closer than 100 yards and may not intercept the migration path so it wasn't like being on a research vessel and being close enough to touch them, but it was certainly close enough to get an idea of their speed and size. They are as big as whales!

The researcher from the aquarium provided us with lots of information and ways in which to track the movements of whales, but for most of the trip out, I just enjoyed being on a boat again, getting a little wind-burned but not sun-burned- I was well bundled and sun-screened- and watching the various sea-birds trailing us in hopes, I guess, that we would throw food at them.

It was incredible watching for kelp and seaweed beds, and identifying species I have only seen as lab specimens in the past. Birds would settle down on them and float for a bit, and then take off into the skies again, some so close that I could have touched them if my reflexes weren't 57 years old.

Sea lions sunbathed on the buoys and raised their dog-like earless heads languidly as we passed. Blase seals. What a world.

There is nothing more relaxing than being on a boat in good weather and on smooth water and conditions were perfect. We were, as I said, 10 miles out before we spotted the first venting spout of the largest gray whale. Thar she blows! Took me back to me pirate days, it did.

The good news is that the gray whale no longer faces extinction, though it was a close call. Their numbers have come up from an all time dangerous low of 4,000 to about 22,000 at last count, a size estimated as the carrying capacity for gray whales. They are baleen whales, and we were given samples of baleen to examine. There were jars of krill, barnacles, and other sea creatures for perusal as well, which we looked at on our way back to port. While in the presence of whales, nothing can distract you from them.

We stayed with the pod for about three-quarters of an hour and then headed back into San Diego Harbor, passing the Midway as we came into the dock.

Kel and I had thought about going to Sea World this week, and may still do so, but somehow, after seeing them in their natural habitat, I'm not sure I can appreciate whales in captivity. Bet I could get a picture of them, though.